we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
