dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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