FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
