I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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