My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
