What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
