quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
