Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You need Xanax blowdarts
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
