I'm gonna have a badass scar
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
