i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
oh god was she eating orange peels again
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
