Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they need to just BURY HIM!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize