i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
