i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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