New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
