OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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