you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
