I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize