Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
no, he came in my armpit
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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