is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
