Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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