thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
