I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Randomize
