I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
