Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
