fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Randomize
