So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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