i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
