I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
