ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
