:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize