Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
