ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
