I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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