On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
