sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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