Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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