i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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