well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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