the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
