I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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