You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
