hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Randomize
