we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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