Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
