Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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