Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Randomize
