what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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