Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
