Your dad touched me again.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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