The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
