Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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