2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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