i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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