No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
