Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my shit smells like andre
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pants are for mortals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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