She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
