Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
