it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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