Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
