the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
