How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
