on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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