I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Randomize