And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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