This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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