Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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