So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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