Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize