I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
