i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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