So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
