I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this just has baby written all over it
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
