I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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