The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
