I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
