Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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