So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The best revenge is premature balding
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize