what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
