I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We need a shit load of segways right now
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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