I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
