i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
