too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
