How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
