you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
