I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
