Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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