ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
