Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
