Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
