Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
