i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize