a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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