Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize