k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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