ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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