Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
