I think i peed on brittanys purse
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
